One of the BIGGEST things that separates a woman who is successful at attracting the love that she wants and the woman that does not is her mindset. In other words, the way that you think about yourself, men, dating, and relationships directly affects your results.
Your mindset and your beliefs are the one area that it would helpful for you to work on before you even start dating. In fact, all areas of life work this way – what separates those who succeed at getting what they want and those who don’t is the way that they think.
The reason that so many women out there struggle with dating and relationships is that they have unhelpful mindsets. In other words, their mindsets and approaches do NOT bring them results.
I am going to share with you 3 mindsets that are holding you back from love and may prevent you from attracting and keeping a high value man if you don’t turn them around.
Having the expectation that men and women are “equal”.
Alright, look – hopefully you know by now that I am not an extreme feminist – but I also don’t believe that women should cater to men and keep quiet while putting their own needs last.
Men and women deserve the same level of respect, love, admiration, treatment, appreciation, opportunity, financial compensation, and so on.
These things should not be gender-determined and should not be negotiable.
If you are a human being then you deserve equal treatment as everyone else. Period.
However, when it comes to relationships, it is important to understand that men and women are not “equal” in a lot of ways within relationships. Some of this comes down to biology and some it comes down to evolutionary roles. We want different things, we are better at different things, and we need to create a dynamic of polarity in order to maintain attraction and have a fulfilling relationship. Read more on feminine/masculine polarity in this article.
The goal is to appreciate these differences and accentuate each other’s strengths. Most importantly, you need to be able to balance masculine and feminine energies both within yourself and in a relationship in order to feel fulfilled.
One of the biggest problems these days is that the majority of women are resistant to the idea that men and women are energetically different.
Many women reject the idea that a man should be able to lead, provide for them, and protect them (lead with their masculine energy). The fact is that men feel more comfortable in their masculine energy and yet, many women don’t accept this about men and they drain them of the opportunity to be in their masculine.
In addition, many women out there are resistant to their own femininity and their true desires. They also reject the idea that a woman is feminine in her nature and that she wants to laugh, dance, play, and feel cherished and loved.
The reality is that women have this resistance because they have blocked off parts of themselves out of fear of getting hurt.
Behind all of this resistance is simply fear and denial of what is true. What is true is that most women WANT to be with a masculine energy man that feels emotionally safe to them.
Resisting the fact that you want this type of dynamic in a relationship means that you will never have the relationship that you truly want – not because you can’t, but because you will never allow yourself to have it.
At the same time, I believe that we are all absolutely unique. If whatever you are doing in your love life is working for you, keep doing it! What works for one relationship may not always work for another relationship.
This is why it is important for you to dig deep inside of yourself and understand what you truly want from a relationship. Figure out whether you are resisting the masculine power of a man and the feminine energy that you have within you. Ask yourself whether you are afraid of being vulnerable, rejected, or truly seen. Perhaps this is the reason that you have trouble connecting with your femininity and trusting masculine men.
As a woman, you will have the most success in your love life if you accept the fact that men and women are fundamentally different and have different strengths to bring to a relationship.
The mindset of entitlement
There are two extreme sides of a spectrum that women often to fall into in their romantic lives.
On one side is the entitlement mindset – the idea that men owe you and they need to prove themselves to you (and usually, meet unrealistic expectations).
The other extreme side of the spectrum is the tendency to put men on a pedestal, to forget about themselves, and to allow men to cross their boundaries just because they feel a sense of chemistry.
Neither of these extreme mindsets are helpful in getting you the love that you want- and they both come from a place of fear.
Let’s talk about entitlement first.
Many women feel entitled to certain treatment from men without needing to offer anything in return. They focus on the fact that men ARE the problem and therefore it is the man and the man ONLY that has to prove that he is worthy and make an effort.
It is the belief that men are the problem.
If this is what a woman believes, she feels that she does not have to offer anything to a man or work on herself. She has no problem flashing the death stare to a man from across the bar but she will never in a million years flash him a smile.
They have the belief that men should always approach them and pursue them, and be the ones to do EVERYTHING for the woman – Even if they are cold and play hard-to-get.
In fact, women who think this way end up treating men like crap, assume the worst of them, and never have their expectations met in a relationship – no matter what a man does. Either that or they end up choosing the emotionally unavailable men.
The mindset of entitlement will absolutely prevent you from attracting a healthy partner who is willing to open up and give you what you want.
Ask yourself if you have ever been that woman. And if you have, it’s totally fine – I am not judging you. Because boy, have I been that woman too!
You may have been raised and/or conditioned over time to form negative beliefs about men.
Many women have been hurt by men in the past and they have built up resentment and fear towards them. Women have often experienced betrayal, dishonesty, and abuse by weak and toxic men in their lives. This led them to close off their hearts and minds to potential connection.
While it is true that men are better at challenges and will usually be okay with “working” a little bit to earn your attention and to win you over, they do not want to be looked down upon or unappreciated by a woman. If their efforts go unrecognized and if the woman they are dating is trying to leech off of their resources or energy, they simply will not stick around.
It is important to remember that not all men are out there to hurt you. The sooner you realize this and let go of stereotypes about men, the sooner you can attract the man that you actually want – because what you believe is what you will attract. The key here is to identify the beliefs that are holding you back and shift them into more productive ones.
Believing that he is Prince Charming”
Entitlement was the first extreme side of the spectrum that many women fall into.
The second extreme is the belief that he is Prince Charming and therefore, nothing else matters anymore. This is a common pattern that unfolds when women fall in love with a guy, or should I say, fall in LUST.
They meet a guy that they like and they feel a strong attraction towards him. They begin to notice ONLY his positive qualities (and potentially miss some red flags), and they put him on a pedestal early on in the dating process. They start investing more and more of their thoughts and emotions into this guy and treat him like he is a royal prince or the last man on earth.
This is the point where many women hire a dating coach because it is exactly where they get confused and over-involved. They become so attached to the idea of one guy being perfect that their boundaries and standards get thrown out the window. They start to lean forward with their energy and in return, the man pulls away.
The fact is that if you have ever put a man on a pedestal – you were probably focusing on his potential, not on his true character.
When you put him on a pedestal, you also tend to neglect yourself. It is not effective to act in this way because you are making his needs more important than yours, when in reality, his needs are NOT more important than yours!
If you make his needs more important then you start overlooking the things that matter to you – like how soon you sleep with him or what you allow him to get away with. In turn, he begins to treat you differently.
Remember that when you cross your own boundaries you also give permission for a guy to cross them. Eventually, you may end up in a situation where he will lose interest, pull away, or go hot and cold.
So it is important to NOT put a guy on a pedestal and make him special too soon. Remember, you are BOTH demonstrating your value as potential partners to one another.
The sweet middle spot
There is a sweet middle spot between feeling entitled and dropping everything for “Price Charming”.
The sweet middle spot is where you do not put a guy’s needs first or neglect your own emotions. At the same time, you do not make YOURSELF better than him by expecting him to be the only one investing. You know that there are good guys out there who deserve to be treated with respect. Guys that deserve your love and admiration, and you are therefore willing to work on yourself in order to attract those good guys.
If you inspire him with your feminine energy, your light and radiance, and your high-value self, then he will want to do more for you. You also must remember to set boundaries and expectations for how you will be treated. This is what will make him crave to devote his time, heart, and attention to you in return. Most women have no clue how to do this because they do not understand men.
If you want to attract a good man who will commit to you on a mind, heart, and body level – then you need to show up as a high-value woman who is both soft and powerful.
Essentially, the key is to know how to communicate with him in order to inspire attraction AND set appropriate boundaries during the dating process – that is what will make a man want to commit everything to you. You can learn exactly how to do this along with over 100 text/conversation examples in “Magnetically Feminine Boundaries.”
Rather than approaching your new date from a defensive, fearful, or entitled place – ask yourself what you can offer him.
You need to be willing to offer a good man value.
When a woman approaches men from a place of entitlement and behaves as if men “owe her” something, a good man will pick up on this energy and he will be repelled by it. No man wants to be with a woman who simply wants to take all of his resources.
Remember, entitlement will never attract a healthy, masculine man who has a lot to offer and is open to loving you. Dropping all standards and boundaries for a man will not get a man to commit either. Always aim for the sweet middle spot.
Ask yourself where you are holding negative beliefs about men. Ask yourself if you can relate to any of mindsets or limiting beliefs that are holding you back from love.
Ask yourself whether you feel tense, uncomfortable, or fearful when you are around men. Pay attention to how you speak about men. Then work on reframing the negative thought patterns so that you can finally attract the soul-connection that you deserve.
Until next time!
XoXo,
Darya
