You have probably heard the idea that people treat you the way that you treat yourself and when it comes to relationships, this is no exception. Learning to treat yourself with kindness, respect, and compassion allows you to receive it from others. Once you learn to love all of you, you will be able to attract someone who will love you just as much. In fact, loving yourself is crucial because it has a major effect on your overall sense of happiness and well-being.

So what does it mean to love yourself?

Loving yourself means putting your thoughts, feelings, and needs first.

It’s about being true to your authentic self and doing what feels right in your heart.

It’s about caring less about what others think of you because what YOU think of you becomes more important.

Self love allows you to have standards for what you are willing to accept in life because you no longer settle for poor treatment – you know that you deserve better. It will help you to stop attracting hot and cold men, hanging around people that are toxic, and allowing others to step over your personal boundaries. Self love is the reason that smart women never make this dating mistake.

The truth is that many people do not truly love and accept themselves just as they are. This leads them to behave in ways that are inauthentic and not true to their values. They end up searching for external approval, rather than looking inward for it. As a result, they often fail to attract what they want because they are too busy putting others’ needs ahead of their own.

If you truly want to be free, you need to learn to love every single part of you.

You are Not Selfish Enough

You need to be more selfish. Yes, I said it!

Most people are not selfish enough because they put everyone but themselves on a pedestal and undermine their own needs and wants. How about putting YOU on a pedestal for a change?

What is it that you need in order to feel good about yourself right now?

Being “selfish” is vital not only for your own happiness but for the happiness of those around you. Remember, you can never fill an empty glass with water by pouring from another empty glass. For the same reason, you cannot give to others – to your partner, to your child, to a family member, if you do not build up the resources within you first. There just won’t be enough to give.

The happiest people and those who have the most to give are those who have internal resources, energy, and self love.

Growing up, women especially are taught to put everyone besides themselves first– why is this okay? This type of conditioning is what eventually leads women to people please, undervalue themselves, and settle for poor treatment in relationships.

Because it’s fine to just grin and bear it, to be patient, to tolerate your life situation even if it makes you miserable and unhappy, right? Wrong.

We must remember that life is meant to be enjoyed, not to be suffered through. Your life and your happiness matter.

The reality is that women who try to give and give have very little left for themselves and they burn out very quickly. I know that I am certainly guilty of this and you probably are too – and that’s okay! It all starts with awareness and understanding that you must CHOOSE where to invest your energy.

It does not make you a better person to give to someone if it makes you feel worse in the end. You can only give to someone only from your own overflow, from the excess that you have. That is the only healthy way to give.

You must learn how to protect your energy so that you can be the vibrant, passionate, and interesting woman that you are meant to be – so that you can enjoy being with your own self. One of the fundamental traits of a luscious, High Value woman is her ability to love herself. She knows how to put herself on a pedestal without apologizing for it or feeling guilty.

We all need to strive to become this woman. Read more on what makes a High Value Woman here.

Looking out for yourself does not mean that you are hurting anyone. If someone gets upset at your decision to love yourself and to set personal boundaries, that is their problem and their responsibility – not yours. For more on how to tell if you are in a toxic relationship, get your free guide here.

It’s all about being kind to yourself and accepting yourself – ALL parts of you. It’s about liking who you show up as because it is in accordance with your beliefs and values. Remind yourself that you are worthy of love and respect just by being who you are, without having to do or be anything.

When you feel that your battery is running low, allow yourself to say “no” to an event, or to avoid participating in a negative conversation. Allow yourself whatever it is that you need in order to recharge and feel good once again. Remember that YOU are the dearest, most precious, and closest person that you have in the world– the one that will live in your mind and body for the rest of your life. That is why you must protect yourself at all cost.

Self-Love Will Help You Attract More Love

Once you understand that self-love is the prerequisite to almost everything worth having in life, you will have more success with love and relationships. This is because you will learn to pay attention to situations that feel good and situations that feel bad – and respond accordingly.

A lot of women ignore the red flags in a new relationship and end up with someone that is completely wrong for them.

Maybe you have done this in the past without realizing it – you felt and saw the red flag in front of you but you closed your eyes to it, only to have it come back and bite you later on. Whenever you ignore your own emotions, you are undervaluing yourself. You are saying that what I am feeling right now does not matter.

Find out exactly how to spot the right partner in the free e-book 8 Major Mistakes that Most Women Make With Men.

You have to imprint the idea onto your heart that you deserve to be treated with respect and care – that it is THE ONLY WAY. When you treat yourself with respect, other will do so as well. The right people will see your true value and will be attracted to you.

When you begin to practice self-love, you will naturally develop boundaries – the boundaries that give you the signal to turn around and walk the other way when negativity comes blazing at you. When you meet a man and he crosses your boundary or disrespects you, you will immediately hear the voice inside that says “this does not feel good to me” and you will easily walk away.

The men that won’t respect your boundaries will dissipate on their own because they will see that they can’t simply take value from you, which is what they want. They will quickly understand that low quality behaviour will not fly with you. Read the article on how to spot Low Value and High Value men.

Men Treat You How You Treat You

I always say that men respond to your energy as a woman. If you show up as a High Value woman with high standards, they will adjust their behaviour accordingly. They will treat you how YOU treat you. If you allow yourself to be treated poorly, then unfortunately that is often what you receive. 

When a man asks you to drive to his part of town to meet for a date – you suggest to meet somewhere in the middle. Because your time is just as valuable as his.

When your partner brushes off an important conversation that you are trying to have, you say “this is very important to me and I would really appreciate if you… (listened, took it seriously, whatever you would like of him in that moment).”

When that guy you met on Tinder showers you with compliments on Monday and ignores your texts for the next 5 days, you don’t spend your time obsessing and sitting by the phone. You continue living your life, texting other guys, and doing things that make you happy.

Cultivating self-love and respect is how you ensure that only High Value men enter your heart space. Ironically, self-love is exactly what will make men flock to you and want to give you even more.

The way that you treat yourself is the way that a man will treat you. This is why I always say that you are responsible for the results that you have with relationships. You always have a choice.

Love yourself so much that others can’t help but love you too. Fill yourself up with emotional resources and pay attention to your gut. Be conscious, aware, and authentic with your emotions. That is how you can not only give to others but it’s how you can truly be comfortable and happy with who you are. The bonus is that you can much more easily attract High Value men into your life and have amazing relationships with those around you.

Here’s to being selfish! For more on self-love, don’t forget to read An Urgent Letter to Every Woman – trust me, you need to hear this.

XoXo,

Darya