The women that are not getting the results that they want in their dating lives often have certain things in common. They are often the ones that set themselves up for failure in love– without even realizing it. This is not to say that you are at fault for the lack of high-value men in your life, but once you empower yourself to make better choices you get better results.
If you are facing difficulty in your dating life and you can’t seem to attract and keep the men that you want, then today I’m going to share the cold-hard-truth with you.
If you are constantly getting the same results with men then you are subconsciously repeating certain patterns that are causing your dating life to suffer. You tend to fall into the same traps over and over again because you are making choices based on what feels natural, rather than being intentional.
What this means is that YOU need to change your approach.
Let’s face it, the most reliable predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour and this means that for most people, even if they make some progress towards change, they eventually revert to the same old patterns.
It’s important to understand that you cannot expect to get different results by using the same approach when dating.
You must create new habits and apply them consistently until they become your new default. You must begin to make conscious decisions.
So what are the 2 biggest traps that women fall into with men?
1. PICKING THE WRONG MEN
The truth is that men are not all jerks. You just tend to pick the ones that are.
You choose the wrong men because you are consistently attracted to these types of men.
The emotionally unavailable men that eventually bring you pain and break your heart. The men that are immature, not ready to commit, or the ones that ghost and come back over and over again.
A lot of coaching clients come to me and say “Darya, there are not good men around me. I am constantly attracting the same types of men” but the truth is that you are simply CHOOSING those men. There are lots of different types of men around you.
Our patterns of attraction are often so automatic that we don’t even realize we have them because they have been a part of us for so long. This is why you have to become aware of your negative patterns when it comes to love. Once you become aware of them, you can start to change them.
Look at your history of the men you picked or were most attracted to – did they have certain qualities in common?
Maybe it was the way that they treated you?
Maybe they reminded you of someone from your past?
Maybe they were emotionally unavailable or had some other red flags yet you allowed yourself to believe otherwise because you chose to see the good in them?
You then ended up with someone who was hot and cold, didn’t give you the commitment that you hoped for, left you feeling insecure, and eventually broke your heart.
I know the story, girl.
I can relate to ALL of the above because I have been there myself. For a long time I was not choosing men consciously. I was looking at them with rose-coloured glasses on. Through the filter that I wanted to see. I was simply not aware that I was repeating the same patterns of behaviour in love.
What you really need to know is this.
If you tend to choose the same men over and over and you allow your instinct to guide you then nothing is going to change. You have to decide that you deserve to be happy, to be cherished, and to be with a mature, high-value man that worships you from head to toe and gives you the entire world – not just empty promises. Read more on what makes a man commit to one woman here.
Here is the key.
In order to start attracting compatible men you must choose with intention.
You cannot allow yourself to fall for a guy just because you feel an attraction to him on an instinctual level. Attraction is not enough. You have to look beyond it and spend time dating a man in order to see how he treats you, what his qualities are, and whether you are actually compatible with one another.
Being with a man that you are attracted to may bring you temporary pleasure – a rush of dopamine or a “love high” if you will. But there are more important determinants of a healthy relationship than the feeling of being attracted and in love.
It’s important to take the time to assess how a man is treating you on a consistent basis before you decide to commit to him and become his woman.
HEARTBREAK IS NOT THE NORM
Many women believe that heartbreak is inevitable – that it is somehow the “natural” course and that everyone has to go through it. While I do believe that there is a lesson to be learned from any experience in life, you don’t NEED to waste time on the wrong men if you know what you are doing.
If you want to be successful in your dating life then you have to do what most people are NOT doing.
This means forgetting everything that you have seen on television and what your friends and family have told you about relationships. Most people have the understanding of men and relationships all WRONG and this is why so many marriages end in divorce and the rest of the couples are unhappy.
The reason is that most people do not understand how to choose the right partners and most people do not understand polarity – and polarity is the key to any successful relationship. Read more on polarity here.
Many women do not realize that they are contributing to the lack of good men in their lives. You are always partly responsible for the type of men that you’re attracting, for enforcing boundaries, and for walking away from toxic situations. Once you own your power as a woman you can make almost anything happen – because you are full of feminine energy and this is the strongest force on the planet.
Read the article How to Be Feminine to learn how to magnetically attract men with your feminine essence.
Unfortunately, man women repeat the same patterns without realizing what they are doing wrong.
Most women use mass media, friends and family as examples of what “love” should look like.
Most women rely on their masculine energy and use their feminine energy at the wrong time.
Most women are defensive and cold towards men rather than trying to understand them.
These are just some reasons that women accept breadcrumbs from men, end up chasing them, and waste time with toxic men. All of these patterns will get you stuck in the same rut in your love life unless you do something to break out of it.
There are, of course, exceptions to every rule. There are women will marry the first person they get into a committed relationship with and will remain happily in love for the rest of their lives.
Other women will never find true love. They may have a partner or even get married but they will never experience REAL love – the way that it is meant to be experienced. Not because they don’t want to but because they don’t know how to create it with the right man.
Never knowing what it’s like to experience authentic, soul-connected, mutual love is terrifying in my opinion. For me, this is the scariest thing in the world.
Now that I found it I understand that love really is the most powerful and beautiful force in the world. It is definitely no fairy tale but it makes life vibrant and provides a sense of safety and peace like nothing else. The reality is that EVERYONE deserves to experience real love – including you, lovely.
However, it will require you to change your perspective and release old patterns of behaviour. I suggest that you begin to understand men and relationships on a deeper level.
It truly makes me sad to see women struggling with their love lives and when coaching clients come to me for guidance I can almost immediately tell what they need to work on. Very often, they are falling into the trap of choosing the wrong men.
If you want to learn how to be in the top 1% of women that understands men and learn what truly makes men commit to ONE woman for life, then check out the program Major Mistakes That 99% of Women Make With Men.
2. THREATENING A MAN’S SENSE OF FREEDOM
The second biggest trap that most women fall into is threatening a man’s freedom. Many women do not realize how destructive this can be.
Freedom is one of the most important needs of a man – not only in a relationship but in life. In fact, it is probably the most important need. While women also need freedom, we do not prioritize it in the same way that a man does.
A man’s desire for freedom will trump everything – even his “undying love” for you if you restrict his freedom too much.
The problem is that many women eventually fall into patterns of controlling and demanding behaviour. They do things like withhold affection, communication, and sex as a way to GET something from the man. They become needy, demanding, and manipulative. Men are terrified of women for this very reason. Nothing is worse for a man than losing his freedom and being controlled.
If he feels that his sense of freedom is threatened and it has anything to do with you, he will eventually start to distance himself from you.
Freedom for a man includes things like
- the freedom to be himself
- the freedom to stand out
- the freedom to choose you (or not to choose you)
- the freedom to be respected
- the freedom to have his personal space
- the freedom to lead
- the freedom to pursue his goal/vision
Of course, it is important for you to discuss your vision and goals for your relationship. There must be movement and progress and if there isn’t then this has to be addressed.
But asking the wrong questions at the wrong time and in the wrong way can make a man feel pressured and cause him to pull away from you. You can learn how to talk to a man, set boundaries, and build emotional connection with over 100 examples in Magnetically Feminine Boundaries.
He wants to be inspired to give you these things, not be pressured to. The best thing you can do is inspire him to do more, to be better, and if he loves you – he will want to give you more.
Men want FREEDOM. They cannot remain truly in love and connected if they don’t have it.
Most women don’t care about a man’s happiness
The reason that freedom is a scarce commodity for men these days is that many women refuse to accept the fact that they need to care about what men want in order to have true, soul-penetrating love. Instead, they just do what comes naturally which is eventually restrict a man’s freedom, get upset, and make it about them. And really, you can’t blame us – as women, we want to feel safe and secure in a relationship, it is in our DNA, in our blood, in our very core. But we have to learn to rise above this instinct.
A high-value woman understands this. Download your FREE guide “Secrets of a High-Value Woman” for more on how to be irresistible to men.
If you can accept the responsibility of contributing to a man’s happiness (rather than thinking only about your own needs in a relationship), everything will change for you. Men will be drawn to you on an entirely new level and they will want to cherish you like a princess.
By making a man happy I don’t mean fixing all of his problems, becoming his personal therapist, or allowing him to treat you poorly. Absolutely not.
I am talking about making him fulfilled within the context of your relationship. Giving him what he needs from a woman –such as freedom, feminine radiance, and acceptance. Read this article to find out what men REALLY want from women.
You should never expect a man to do all of the work, especially when it comes to the emotional aspects of your relationship. As a woman, you have much more power than a man to mold a relationship and you should take advantage of that. A high-value woman uses her understanding of men to create the relationship that she desires or to leave the one that does not serve her.
I already know that you are a high-value woman and deep down, you KNOW all of this. You likely have been conditioned (as many women have) to disconnect from your feminine energy and to be defensive, cold-hearted and closed off to men. But if you want true love with an amazing man then you must begin to let your defenses down.
Do not allow fears, stale patterns, or a lack of understanding get in your way of finding true, soul-penetrating love. Find ways to empower and love yourself so that you have the confidence to achieve exactly what you want in life. Because you deserve the best.
Remember, your old behaviour patterns are just habits – and habits can be changed.
Thanks for reading, lovely. Leave me a comment below and let me know your thoughts!
Xoxo
Darya
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