SHOULD YOU EVER CHASE A GUY?
So you recently met a guy who is basically prince charming. You get crazy butterflies in your stomach at the mere thought of him and all you want to do is get closer to him. You clear your schedule for the entire week just in case he asks you out tonight…or tomorrow night…or the night after that.
Can you relate to this feeling? Most women can at some point in their lives.
The problem is that most women end up using the wrong approach with a man once they realize that they like him.
They start to behave as if he is the last man on the planet (and trust me, he isn’t!). When it comes to chasing men, you need to learn how to do it the RIGHT WAY – the way that makes sense.
Creating a win-win situation and getting an amazing guy to chase you and only you is much easier than you think. Here is how to do it…
MAINTAINING HIGH VALUE IS KEY
Many dating experts will tell you that a guy should always be chasing after you – from the beginning to the very end. Although this is not always true, it is not completely wrong either.
A lot of women make the mistake of coming on too strong and pouring out their feelings to a guy as soon as they realize how great he is. They end up over-investing and compromising their standards for him (usually without even realizing it!). In other words, they start to take on Low Value behaviour. This is what happens when a woman “chases” after a guy.
Showing up as Low Value is the one thing that you want to avoid as a woman at all cost. This is because a High Value, High Quality woman is a woman that has a man’s respect– whereas a Low Quality woman does not. Without respect, a man cannot fall in love and a relationship cannot last.
Here is the first thing to understand about men and whether you should chase them or not.
As a general rule, a man who is interested in you WILL pursue you, so there will be no NEED for you to go out of your way to pursue HIM. He will not say to himself “Wow, she seems amazing. I’d love to get to know her better…but let me just sit back and wait for her to come to me.”
Why? Because masculine, High Quality men are NOT INTO GAMES. If they want something, they go after it.
I know that sometimes you meet someone that you are INTENSELY attracted to and it takes the entire world to stop yourself from pursuing him. And the thing is, it is okay for you to pursue a guy and show your interest in him but you have to do it correctly, meaning at the right point in time.
It is also important for you to understand how to make him chase you, if you will ;). But by making him chase you, I do not mean trying to manipulate him or play games. What I do mean is showing up as your best, most High Value self and sticking to your boundaries.
Believe me, after over a hundred dates with all kinds of men, I KNOW what it’s like. I know it’s not easy.
But dating is not as difficult as it seems – and I’ll say it again – dating does not require games. It requires an understanding of the dynamics of masculinity and femininity and making choices that WORK.
Making the right decisions with men will bring you massive rewards in your love life and fulfill you in ways that you can only dream of. Trust me, knowledge is all worth it.
WHY HE WON’T ALWAYS APPROACH YOU FIRST
Before you learn how to make him chase you, you should know that a guy will not always approach you first – even if he is interested.
Imagine it’s Saturday night and you are out at a bar with your girlfriends when you see a few cute guys over at the pool table.
One of them catches your eye (literally) and you exchange a few glances and a couple of smiles with each other. It is obvious to you that there are mutual signals of interest.
You continue chatting with your girlfriends, expecting that he will come up to you and introduce himself any minute… but an hour passes and you’re still waiting for him to approach you. You start to get impatient and frankly, a little annoyed. In the end, you end up leaving the bar scratching your head and wondering “wtf???”.
So WHY didn’t he approach?
The short answer is – it happens. Sometimes a guy may show interest without acting on it. There are many reasons that guys won’t approach you.
Maybe he misread your signals and did not understand that you were interested (men have a much harder time picking up on “signs” than women.)
Maybe he enjoyed exchanging glances with you but to him, it was harmless flirtation and he was not interested in taking it further. It could be that he is not single, or maybe he was just not interested enough to make a move. Maybe he was intimidated by the fact that you were with a large group of girls and did not feel comfortable breaking the ice with all of you at once (Tip: if you are looking to meet someone while out, go out with 1 or 2 girlfriends max – not an entire squad).
Or maybe he was just too nervous.
The point is that there are many possibilities and you should not be discouraged if a guy does not approach you. Just because he hasn’t approached you does not mean that he doesn’t like you. He probably just doesn’t know it yet
IT IS OKAY FOR YOU TO PURSUE HIM
Let’s say that you are interested in a guy and want to take things further but you are not sure if he is the one that should be chasing after you. What do you do? More specifically, is it okay for you to pursue him?
The answer is YES! But there are important limitations.
Why is it okay for you to pursue him?
First of all, most women who found love for life did so intentionally, not passively. To an extent, they knew what they wanted and they were proactive about it. They understood that they could not sit back and do NOTHING and that this would get them the love that they want. They knew exactly how to show up with the man so that his attraction and desire to be with her increased tenfold.
This is why you must be proactive.
Here is the thing. You actually have little to lose if you are the first one to initiate contact with him.
If it doesn’t end up working out, no big deal – all that means is that he was not YOUR guy. This is what you should always keep in the back of your mind.
When you cross paths with the right person, things will work out for you, I promise! By being proactive, at least you made sure that you didn’t miss out on a potentially great match for you.
Do not be afraid to make the first move. Whether it means exchanging glances with a guy, flirting with him, or initiating conversation on a dating app. I know that it can be scary but what you are really doing is getting closer to finding love.
I initiated a lot when I was dating and I can say that it definitely worked out in my favour. The important thing is to be sure that you know your worth and you don’t allow yourself to be overly eager, insecure, or doubtful. Consciously show up as your most confident, High Value, authentic self and go into every interaction knowing that you are awesome. The right guy will take the bait.
THE TRUTH IS, THE BEGINNING MATTERS LEAST
You can certainly pursue a man that you find interesting but only at the absolute beginning of a “relationship” with him.
This means after you’ve already met but before things get serious.
You can start a conversation with a cute guy at a bar, initiate the first text or message him online FIRST – you can do all of these things at the beginning, because the beginning matters least.
Because you have no value to each other yet. And in order for a man and woman to get into a relationship, they have to see the value in each other.
Here is what I mean.
At the very beginning, neither of you have invested in each other very much so you are not very “valuable” in each other’s eyes. You are basically strangers.
There may be physical attraction between you but that’s attraction at the most basic, superficial level – it does not determine the value of a woman or a man. It is not enough to tell you if you would be a good match for each other. Basically, you have too little information.
You have to get a sense of who the guy is and if you would even LIKE to go on a second or third date with him, right? It works the same way for him. This is why the beginning matters the least – you are merely being introduced to each other and you don’t have any value to add or to lose. If you sent each other a couple of texts and then never heard from one another again, it probably would not have a major impact on your life because you are not ‘important’ to each other yet.
Your behaviour at the very beginning will not determine how valuable you are to him as a woman in the long run.
This is because you have not established any sort of exchange or relationship with one another yet.
It will not determine how well he treats you, whether he respects you, and how deeply he falls in love with you. At least not at this point.
This is why you can certainly initiate contact, texts, and make the first move at this point if you want to show him that you’re interested.
HOW TO MAKE HIM CHASE YOU AND WHEN
Once you’ve chatted for a while (in-person) or have been on a few dates, you are better able to get a feel for what type of guy he is and of course, he will see how amazing YOU are at this point.
This is the crucial turning point.
This is the delicate point where, as a woman, it is important that you withdraw a little bit and let him come to you. You must give him a chance to pursue you, otherwise you can actually make things worse.
Think about it – if you do all of the initiating and the pursuing, if you pour yourself into him from the very beginning until the very end, then you end up doing all of the work for him. As a result, you deplete YOUR VALUE in his eyes and you run the risk of showing up as a Low Quality woman that he does not respect. Click here to find out more in the blog, Why Men Disappear.
Like I mentioned before, this is where most women go wrong. They went on a couple of dates with a guy, got to know him a little bit, decided that he is the last prince charming on earth and dropped everything for him, only to have him lose interest.
Here is how to deplete your value in his eyes. Let’s say he stops responding to your texts but you keep bombarding him with messages like “hello??”, “did you get my text??” and “I guess you’re ignoring me”.
Never, ever, ever do this. It is Low Quality woman behaviour. You are showing that you are eager, insecure, and investing more than he is… and you are so much better than that!
Instead, learn how to become a High Quality woman and show up as the best version of YOU in every interaction. That is how you find love for life. That is how to guarantee that amazing, successful, High Quality men who will drop everything just to be with you will start showing up in your life.
This is why you need to withdraw once your “relationship” starts to take shape, even if you are just casually dating.
I don’t mean stop responding to his calls altogether or play hard to get – I mean do not pursue him, do not chase him. Once he has hung out with you a few times, he will have realized how amazing you are and he will be itching to spend more time with you. He will WANT to chase you – and it is important that you let him.
WHEN YOU MAKE HIM CHASE YOU, YOU GIVE HIM A CHANCE TO EARN YOU
And by “make him” I really mean “allow him to chase you”.
You see, the true nature of masculine energy is to thrive on challenge. Your standards and your self-worth are the challenge and YOU are his reward. A man will value what he EARNS, not what he gets with ease.
It does not take long for a man to realize that he likes a woman.
Once he has a sense of who you are, he will see how valuable you are, how amazingly unique and unlike everyone else you are.
It is then your job to show him that he must put in some effort if he wants to be with you. THAT is what makes him respect, appreciate, and cherish you.
Give him the opportunity to impress you. Believe me, deep down, he wants it. Let him win you over and show you his best qualities. Let him come up with cool date ideas, text you several times a day, and clear his schedule to ensure that he can see you as often as possible. He himself will thank you for it in the long run.
Your job is to simply show up as your best self whenever you interact with him (read here how to be the most feminine goddess).
The great thing about you withdrawing a little bit and allowing him to come to you is it also helps make his intention towards you clear. If his idea of pursuing you is inviting you to a Netflix and chill session after a date or two, then he is showing you that he is not interested in putting in much effort for a date night. In that case, tell him that you prefer to go out and do something fun, active, and social. This is how you communicate your standards to him and show him that you are not okay with “lazy”. If he refuses to consider it, disappears, or avoids your suggestion, then that tells you everything you need to know – he is not for you.
WHAT TO DO IF HE IS NOT PURSUING YOU
If a man shows you that he is not willing to put effort into being with you ESPECIALLY after you have made it clear to him that something is important to you, then you should stop talking/texting/investing in him altogether. Yes, it is THAT simple.
The point is that if he does not try to be his best self around you, to impress you, to win you over somehow ESPECIALLY at the beginning (imagine 1 year from now!) – then he does not see your true value, which means he is not the right guy.
There is no need to call him a hundred times, text him fifteen question marks, or show up at his front door asking him why you haven’t heard from him. Let it go. You deserve better.
Instead, learn the High Value ways of attracting a man in order to show up as your best, most irresistible self. That is enough. Showing up as your best self is always enough for the right man.
As a woman, you should never go out of your way or try to prove your worth to a man (or to anyone, for that matter).
If you want to know how to attract and keep a High Value man, download your free copy of “8 Major Mistakes that Most Women Make With Men” to learn the secrets that most women don’t know.
Have a beautiful, inspired day!