Maybe you dated for 2 months or maybe it was 2 years… or maybe it was 20 years. Maybe you thought that he was the one. You invested your time, your effort, and your heart. You were in head over heels love with him… and then it ended.
You went through an unexpected breakup. You lost it all.
It doesn’t matter if it was his decision or yours, it was traumatic and difficult. Even when you know in your heart that it is the right decision, it’s not easy. The experience of love is one of the most powerful things in the world and having it taken away can cause a lot of pain.
Experiencing a heartbreak can feel like you can’t breathe. Like you are suffocating. Like you are on the verge of exploding with overwhelming emotion. Like you will never find love again. Life can feel lonely and empty. For a while, the only thing on your mind is your ex.
If you are in the process of getting over a breakup right now, I get it. I have been there. I know that it is a dark place to be. You feel fragile, vulnerable, broken, hurt, and betrayed.
What I am here to tell you is that things will get better. I know that for certain.
You will not always feel the way that you are feeling right now.
Just KNOWING that you will eventually heal, move on, and become stronger can be a reassuring fact. I know it may not feel like it right now but trust me, time really will heal your wounds. You will get there. Because you are a fabulous, valuable, and amazing woman who deserves to have real love.
Remember that most breakups happen for a reason.
Sure, relationships are not always easy and there can be many different reasons for a break-up, but in a lot of cases ending a relationship is the right decision. This does not mean, however, that it was anyone’s fault. Sometimes it is, like if a partner is abusive or treats you very poorly, but sometimes, there is nobody to blame.
Often, a breakup means that the two people involved were simply not a good match for one another.
When you are in the relationship with the wrong guy, deep down in your heart you often KNOW that you should walk away.
IF you have made the decision to walk away from a relationship because it was difficult more than it was easy, because it caused you pain, and because it did not fulfill you at your very core, you must stick to your decision.
When my first serious relationship of several years ended, I knew that it was the right decision despite the fact that it was one of the most difficult ones that I (still) have ever made.
We reconciled many times but eventually, I realized that I had to decide once and for all.
I knew that neither of us were happy and it was time to move forward. The relationship was difficult more than it was easy.
Despite the fact that I was the one who initiated the breakup, it was still a very difficult time for me. I felt that I would never be able to make it on my own – but I did.
I moved on and I found love again. And I promise that you will too. Go here to read how to find love.
I have come up with 7 powerful tips to ensure that you will get over him once and for all. Here they are.
1. Accept that it is over.
Remember that most of the time, an ex is an ex for a reason.
Most people who have on and off relationships eventually leave those relationships anyway.
The worst thing you can do is come up with excuses to stay after you have made a firm decision to leave. Excuses are just lies that we sugar coat for ourselves out of fear and desperation. As a woman with amazing intuitive powers, your heart knows when it is truly the right decision to move on. All you have to do is listen to yourself.
Excuses usually involve telling yourself things like
- Maybe he will change
- Maybe he will miss you and realize he loves you
- Maybe he just misunderstood you
- Maybe you should make up because it is better than being alone
No.
Once you have decided that the relationship ended for the best, stick to your decision. Find a way to get closure and make peace with the fact that the relationship ended for the best. Making a concrete decision will ensure that you can start to move on, rather than thinking at the back of your mind that you will get back together.
If he was the initiator of the breakup – run in the other direction and do not look back. You should never – and I mean NEVER sacrifice your self-worth for someone who does not see the value in the amazing YOU. The right man will never even dream of letting you go.
Never chase after a guy if he does not show you that he loves you, cares for you, and is willing to invest in you. It is a waste of your precious time.
Now, remember lovely, it takes two to make and break a relationship. The unfortunate truth is that sometimes, men will end relationships or fall out of love because of things that a woman does or doesn’t do – things like controlling him and acting from fear. Go here to find out what makes men commit to one woman forever.
If you want to avoid the same problems in the future, download my free e-book on the major mistakes that women make with men and how to avoid them.
Takeaway: Once you have decided to move forward with your life, DO IT.
2. Feel everything.
This is the most important point because it is a crucial prerequisite to moving on. Rather than pushing down your emotions or denying them, give yourself a few days (or weeks) to feel your deepest, most painful emotions.
Cry, think, lose sleep. Do whatever you need to do.
The faster you can allow yourself to feel your deepest feelings, the faster you will get it out of your system and be free to move on. Give yourself permission to feel your pain WITHOUT blaming yourself. Have compassion for yourself and allow yourself to feel sad. Feeling is healing.
What is equally important, however, is that you do not get stuck in this state for months on end. Do not drag out the sulking. After you’ve given yourself a sufficient amount of time to grieve, tell yourself that it is time to start moving forward. Start distracting yourself with things other than your ex.
3. Give yourself love.
Remember that a breakup does not determine your worth as a person. You are incredible, strong, luscious, and WORTHY of love beyond your imagination.
This is the perfect time to give yourself some extra care and compassion. Be gentle with yourself.
Soothe your soul by pampering yourself, listening to some great music, taking up a new hobby.
Do things for yourself that bring you joy like practicing yoga, eating lots of ice cream (it’s okay this time ;)), buying a new set of lipsticks, reading a great book, buying some flowers and placing them in a beautiful vase.
When I was going through a heartbreak, I did not want to do ANYTHING at first. Eventually, I realized that I needed to make myself busy with a new hobby so I pushed myself to do something. I started baking (and binge-watching Mad Men). I baked cakes, peach pies, and tiramisus for my family and friends. It was very cathartic and it made me (and others) happy.
4. Get social (but not too soon)
Immediately after the breakup, your wounds are still fresh. The thing that a lot of people start doing TOO SOON is going out, partying, sleeping with others, drinking, and so on. They do this because they think that this will help them get over their ex faster.
The problem is that this behaviour does not come from a positive place. It comes from the need to escape and to avoid feeling pain. Going out and letting loose when you are not ready yet can actually make you feel worse.
When you are in a place like a bar or a club where it is loud and everyone is having a great time, your feelings of sadness and loneliness can actually become amplified. This is because you will see how much fun everyone else is having and you will feel a sharp contrast with your own feelings.
You will start to think of what you are missing (your ex) and you will feel even MORE depressed to see how much fun everyone else is having. This is why you should be very careful with the environment that you place yourself in, especially right after a breakup. Listen to yourself and do what you really need to do to heal.
At the same time, do not spend all of your time alone. Do not forget that you DO need to spend time around people that love you and support you. It will help pull you through dark moments and distract you. Try to do things that nurture you and bring positivity into your life.
It will be tough at first but eventually, it will get easier and easier. Make it a point to do activities that you enjoy in the company of others. Check out new restaurants, new movie theaters, new coffee shops, anywhere new. Trying new things outside of your routine will make you less likely to think of your ex.
5. Date.
Yes, you heard me, girl!
I get it… chances are that dating will be the last thing on your mind immediately after a breakup.
But if you want to move on, you MUST start dating again. Not right away, but as soon as you feel ready. This means not waiting for one or two years after your breakup. Nope. Sooner than that.
This will also boost your confidence. Plus, you will start meeting new people, some of who will interest you and whose company you will really enjoy. I started dating a couple of months after my breakup and although at first, it was tough, it brought a lot of new people into my life who I learned a lot from. Eventually, it led me to the love of my life 🙂
This leads me to the next point…
6. Remind yourself that your ONE is still out there.
I know the thoughts that go through your head when you feel miserable and heartbroken. You feel like you will never find love again. You may feel like you don’t WANT to find love again. You feel like your self-confidence has plummeted and you will never get it back.
These are all fleeting thoughts.
As the saying goes – “this, too, shall pass”.
Remember that you are powerful and more resilient than you know.
You will bounce back and you WILL find love again. Love that is even more fulfilling and soul-penetrating than you even imagined.
Do your best to dissolve the negative thoughts, the self-blame, the pessimistic outlook on the future. Focus on the positives and KNOW that there is a lot to look forward to. Remember that your ONE is out there and that you will find each other when the time is right.
Focus on yourself and how to become the wonder woman that men will give up EVERYTHING FOR. The woman that he will want to make his forever. Check out the post on how to be the most captivating feminine goddess.
7. Do something meaningful.
Find something that gives you meaning, joy, and satisfaction. This a very powerful tool.
It may be a project of some sort, it may be a new hobby, or it may even be going to the gym and working out so that you can feel better about yourself. If you can put your focus towards creating something or working on something that brings you MEANING, it will help you get over the heartache and get into a resourceful state quicker.
XoXo,
Darya
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